4 April 2011 – O M G….What have I done?

 

Post ImageThis is just a vent entry.

I am feeling a little low at the moment. Really I have NO ONE else to blame but myself. I know that playing the blame game doesn’t help me or anyone…and I am doing my best to give myself a break.

This weekend would have to be my worse and TOP indulgent weekend. I really let go and did not really think too hard about the consequences. After having such great losses for the last 4 weeks, even after indulging weekends..I will be gob smacked if I was to get away with a loss from this one! I have 4 days to get myself back on track before WI. Is it possible? Yeah it probably is. But can I be bothered? Right now, I have to say NO.

The thing that I have to also confess is that I had SUCH a great time at my cousin’s wedding. It was really great to just let go and have soo much fun. I know that fun doesn’t need to be had with alcohol and crap food. But what didn’t go in my favour on Saturday night is that the wedding was not dinner, it was a cocktail party and as usual with cocktail parties – they serve mostly fried, crumbed snacks. Not knowing that this was the case, meant that we had no dinner before hand and the snacks basically became our dinner to survive the night!

Alcohol consumption was probably no more than it was the last weekend, but still MANY of them were consumed. To give myself a little credit, I did drink lots of water before and in between and after 🙂

It’s the after the wedding that threw me over the top even more. I thought that we were going to keep partying afterwards with my brother and cousins but the night ended sooner than I expected and by that time, had consumed another 2 champagnes and was on a high! Suddenly, I had to bring myself out of this high. And the only way that I know how and has always worked for me – ensuring that I don’t suffer too much the next day – is by eating. So stopped @ the servo’s on the way to the hotel and ate a small sausage roll. Which was not enough – then saw a Maccas on the way and bought a large fries. Got back to the hotel, drank a coffee, more water with aspirin and a small cookie – courtesy of the hotel. After that I completely crashed up until 6am(in then new time – my body clock is still going with the daylight savings time of waking up at 7am)

Another credit to myself…having my sister staying with us in the hotel also – which was in Rosebud West by the way, by the beach – so we took ourselves off for a 50mins walk on the beach. Felt so good!!

But then was starving…we were meant to go to a brekky bbq with the family in a reserve in Rosebud…but we were all so hungry that we decided to stop by Maccas(again I know!!!) and grabbed one of their bakehouse brekky roll deals with coffee and hash browns. O M G….I won’t go into any more… but I think I have given you all enough of a picture. Basically everything has gone down hill from there. After recording everything that I can remember in the tracker – very reluctantly mind you – I am in negative in my allowance of the week. What the? How the heck do I change that back into a positive? Is there really any coming back from that now? Or do I simply just do as I have every other weekend and damage control by ensuring that I get back on track now? Will these negative allowance points now represent a gain for me?

Panic has set in and to be honest…making it really difficult to want to get back on the wagon. Even though I know it’d be worth in the end…but I feel like I have blown it way too much this time!!!!

I am just thinking and venting at the same time. I am sure that I will get back on track but hearing the good angel and bad angel having a massive battle on my shoulder!!!

ARGHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!

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By Pas Dee Posted in Panic!

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