It has been 3 weeks since I had an entry here.
It may seem that I seem to only have entries when I have good news of some kind of exchange or what not – the thing is that in the last 3 weeks, I have to admit that my attitude was at its utmost undesirable! I personally did not feel like I had anything to offer in the state that I was in except for negative energies & thoughts. There are many personal issues – some at a deep soul level and many just at an ego level – that I’ve had to deal with and still having to deal with but I am seeing more and more that these situations – whether positive or negative – are presenting themselves to show me how far I’ve come. I know that these blogs are designed for me to release but I also have been feeling like somewhat of a fraud! All will be revealed as I write this blog….Even as I am writing this, I am unsure what will emerge as I type – this page has been opened for 2 days with not much written…
Week 18-19 I saw nothing – no change on the scale – although I was exercising everyday but I also had many busy social w/ends with many drinks and less than desirable food choices. Pretty much since the Brian McKnight concert night, things have gone on a downward spiral! Clearly, every change that has not occurred is because of me. I have been my worse enemy for sure! The weekend alcohol sessions have definitely not helped, not that I wasn’t drinking along this journey but this was a weekend where it was more than I had been drinking for the last few months. Granted, I had a fabulous time, each and every weekend. And there could have been no regrets so long as I had made the right food choices during the recovery period. Mostly they were good, but each weekend I saw the pattern that they were getting worse!
During this time, I also began to lapse in tracking my foods…I don’t know what happened – after having been so consistent, something in me just switched & I decided that I didn’t want to do it anymore! At the same time, it was niggling at the back of my mind that I really can’t afford the monthly payment to WW anymore. So things need to change – and the change is mainly that I am gonna need to do this on my own! Most days, I have been fine. Sure, there are still the few choices that can be questioned but at the same time, the points calculator in my head is still automatically churning and doing its best to make an honest WWer out of me!
Week 20 An exchange of 200g!!!! I tell ya, I have never been so happy since being on this journey to see this exchange…even though it is small, it’s a movement from where I was for 2 weeks!! I missed measurements so will do this next week..
So my exchange to date = 18.2kgs exactly
I have 1.8kgs to get to halfway and 2kgs to 10% of my current body weight & to be in the 70′s!!!
Today – being Monday 25th of July – I have taken charge again! I have gone into http://community.weightwatchers.com.au/Challenges/ChallengeDiscussion.aspx?sid=1134584&tid=1007187
and reset my goals! I have decided to embark on my soup detox plan for this week to help get me back on track – but I will say that I am not doing it in the strictest sense as I am nearing that TOM YET AGAIN…so I need to allow the times that I will need to curb those cravings so that it doesn’t become bingeing sessions!
I have joined Aimee’s 6 weeks till Spring challenge:
This got me excited because I thought – wow, spring is just around the corner! I will be ecstatic to be travelling my way from the higher scale of the 70’s to the lower during Spring time – this will ensure that my bigger goal by then end of the year is met!
In all the time that I haven’t been blogging, I have been keeping up with my twitter/facebook page & group – where upon my daily search for inspiration & motivation – I share this with everyone – Love for you to join me there as it is filled with inspiration!
(Both this and the Twitter have motivational & inspirational quotes, videos, etc, to help lift your spirits & your butt off that chair!!)
http://www.facebook.com/?ref=home#!/groups/allseeingsoul (This is my spiritual group – sharing all things spiritual or soul level)
These are what have kept me sane in the last 3 weeks. It was a lot more therapeutic for me to read and share than to write during this time. I just felt like I mentioned above, that I had nothing to offer – so I searched for what others have to offer and share that with people so they can enlightened and uplifted by the words, just as I have been by them.
My exercise has also been oddly different as I have been only working out over the course of 4-5 days! I have to admit that they are hardcore days but I am happy to have those hard core days and then have 2-3 days break to catch up with lots of other things that I should be doing, rather than constantly worrying or calculating today’s workout in my head. It can get really noisy when that is going on in my head!
One of the blogs that I read – had this at the end of it(Thanks Laynah) and basically just helped me to lift out of this rut I have allowed to swallow me up:
Well because I am getting quite sleepy(another thing I have been doing alot of lately, sleep!!!), I best get into my gratitude list for the last 3 weeks:
- Reading & sharing inspiring stories on my page/groups
- Listening to my body(in terms of exercise)
- Having support
- Reading other people’s blogs to help me stay above water during times of almost drowning
- Finally breaking out of the plateau
- Making steps towards one of my big goals by then end of the year(more on that when things are a bit more concrete)
- Having situations present themselves which are helping me to look into myself a lot deeper now(I would rather this happen now whilst on this thinspirational journey, than when I have exchanged it all and the emotional turmoil ends up with me eating my way back where I am leaving behind!)